The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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