Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
