i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
