sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
