Your face is a jimmy john
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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