Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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