I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
