We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
