My room smells like vodka and shame
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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