i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
