My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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