We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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