dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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