This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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