Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
