Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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