He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
