my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
