he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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