I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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