this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
