He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
