The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize