New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
