I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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