Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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