We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
