Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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