the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
