Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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