You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
