A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
