with your own penis?
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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