My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
