So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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