Apparently you make a good broom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
