Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
