apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
