Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
