He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
