my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
