it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
