I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
