So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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