Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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