I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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