we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
