You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
