First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize