everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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