Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
