Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
