I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
