I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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