One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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