THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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