I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize