because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
