Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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