Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
