why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
