Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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