it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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