man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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