i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
