Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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