Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Me too!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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