They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
