dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
