I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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