what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
