How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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