Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't deserve a penis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A+ Viking dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
