glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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